When you’re confused, you should share
On RPT: Tracy Chapman – Why?
Many years ago, when I walked up to the altar to get saved, it never occurred to me that I might regret my decision. Why did I do it, you wonder? Well, here was a man who believed that he was humanity’s last hope and died for it. If you simply step away from all the controversial stuff, the I am too intelligent to believe in a higher power that has not been scientifically proven stuff, and just look at him as one man who sought to change the world. There, look at the essence of it. The essence of a simple carpenter dude looking at his world and knowing it needed to change. If you can then maybe you’ll understand why I did it.
But I sound like I’m preaching, which I’m not. Not at all actually. I’m currently at a, whatchumacallit…. a crossroads, yeah, I’m at a crossroads. I’ve been looking at the church lately and I don’t like what I see. Its this business of “because I am saved I have the right to judge everyone” which is not right. Just because you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior doesn’t give you those kinds of rights. It’s supposed to be the opposite, I think. You’re supposed to attempt to become a kind person who accepts people of all walks of life and live life in such a way that you minimize the wrong we are surrounded by. But instead, Christianity has all this hate. Hate homosexuality, hate Muslims because they question Israel and thus the “chosen people”, hate, hate and more hate. Hating what is different by claiming it is against God’s word. I thought the main rule in Christianity was to love your neighbor as you love yourself. I always thought that meant regardless of what your neighbor was like. If you believe in Jesus, then you believe he’s the Son of God, and if the son of God would deign to mix with prostitutes and such, then do you know better than him? Are you wiser than him and thus given authority to hate? And I thought Jesus was trying to end hate? I thought God was love….
If I thought wrong then I don’t believe that I can continue to call myself a Christian in good faith. Because its not just the hate. There’s so much more, so so much more that I find in the church that contradicts my personal morals. At times the frustration with the church is overwhelming. Learning at the end of the day that the church is not just about God but that, like everything touched by man, it has got the money, power and corruption issues. Talk about disillusion. Ignorance truly is bliss …..ok hold on. That’s not true. It was easier to claim Christianity in my naiveté but I wouldn’t give back the knowledge I now have for anything. It has been worth it. I intensely dislike lies. I’d rather be called a female dog point blank to my face. It will hurt. It will hurt a lot but I’m more likely to trust you in the end. I feel like someone here has lied to me. No one gave me the full facts before I got saved. Not one person mentioned being required to take on a holier-than-thou attitude philosophy. Was I wrong? Is Christianity not about compassion? Is the story of the Good Samaritan just that, a story?
I’m so confused but not so confused that I don’t realize that I am slowly losing my faith. What I know is this. I know I am human and subject to everything human. I will make stupid mistakes, be greedy and selfish, succumb to self pity and pride, and blunder with other’s feelings. I know that if, actually when, I do, I will be sorry. I know that I don’t like hurting people. I know that so long as I try to be a nice person, it will be better than nothing. I believe that I am responsible for my actions and their consequences. I believe that any negative or positive energy I send out will come back threefold to me. I believe in love.
So what do I do? Ditching organized religion altogether is looking very attractive. It could just be me, God and trying to live & let live. But I was at Gayaza just long enough to get brainwashed into this never give up business. So give up I will not. Look for the good I will …the yoda impression was not purpose…. But wait. How can I remain a Christian when I am so dissatisfied? Will the good I find keep me satisfied? Am I just postponing the inevitable?
…….Sometimes I wish my mind would'nt go in circles…….
On RPT: Tracy Chapman – Why?
Many years ago, when I walked up to the altar to get saved, it never occurred to me that I might regret my decision. Why did I do it, you wonder? Well, here was a man who believed that he was humanity’s last hope and died for it. If you simply step away from all the controversial stuff, the I am too intelligent to believe in a higher power that has not been scientifically proven stuff, and just look at him as one man who sought to change the world. There, look at the essence of it. The essence of a simple carpenter dude looking at his world and knowing it needed to change. If you can then maybe you’ll understand why I did it.
But I sound like I’m preaching, which I’m not. Not at all actually. I’m currently at a, whatchumacallit…. a crossroads, yeah, I’m at a crossroads. I’ve been looking at the church lately and I don’t like what I see. Its this business of “because I am saved I have the right to judge everyone” which is not right. Just because you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior doesn’t give you those kinds of rights. It’s supposed to be the opposite, I think. You’re supposed to attempt to become a kind person who accepts people of all walks of life and live life in such a way that you minimize the wrong we are surrounded by. But instead, Christianity has all this hate. Hate homosexuality, hate Muslims because they question Israel and thus the “chosen people”, hate, hate and more hate. Hating what is different by claiming it is against God’s word. I thought the main rule in Christianity was to love your neighbor as you love yourself. I always thought that meant regardless of what your neighbor was like. If you believe in Jesus, then you believe he’s the Son of God, and if the son of God would deign to mix with prostitutes and such, then do you know better than him? Are you wiser than him and thus given authority to hate? And I thought Jesus was trying to end hate? I thought God was love….
If I thought wrong then I don’t believe that I can continue to call myself a Christian in good faith. Because its not just the hate. There’s so much more, so so much more that I find in the church that contradicts my personal morals. At times the frustration with the church is overwhelming. Learning at the end of the day that the church is not just about God but that, like everything touched by man, it has got the money, power and corruption issues. Talk about disillusion. Ignorance truly is bliss …..ok hold on. That’s not true. It was easier to claim Christianity in my naiveté but I wouldn’t give back the knowledge I now have for anything. It has been worth it. I intensely dislike lies. I’d rather be called a female dog point blank to my face. It will hurt. It will hurt a lot but I’m more likely to trust you in the end. I feel like someone here has lied to me. No one gave me the full facts before I got saved. Not one person mentioned being required to take on a holier-than-thou attitude philosophy. Was I wrong? Is Christianity not about compassion? Is the story of the Good Samaritan just that, a story?
I’m so confused but not so confused that I don’t realize that I am slowly losing my faith. What I know is this. I know I am human and subject to everything human. I will make stupid mistakes, be greedy and selfish, succumb to self pity and pride, and blunder with other’s feelings. I know that if, actually when, I do, I will be sorry. I know that I don’t like hurting people. I know that so long as I try to be a nice person, it will be better than nothing. I believe that I am responsible for my actions and their consequences. I believe that any negative or positive energy I send out will come back threefold to me. I believe in love.
So what do I do? Ditching organized religion altogether is looking very attractive. It could just be me, God and trying to live & let live. But I was at Gayaza just long enough to get brainwashed into this never give up business. So give up I will not. Look for the good I will …the yoda impression was not purpose…. But wait. How can I remain a Christian when I am so dissatisfied? Will the good I find keep me satisfied? Am I just postponing the inevitable?
…….Sometimes I wish my mind would'nt go in circles…….
2 comments
YZ.
REPLYI am not stupid enough not to believe that there is a God. But let's not sink into this, as I am not dressed for it. Simple line: there is a God, and logic supports only this view, from my side.
Now, on your questions of Christianity and how it has been over-run by hate. Don't look at Pat Robertson or whatever other asshole and think you're looking at Christianity. There are more Christians than those playboys on TV.
Don't trash Christianity - trash individual preachings. Think freely. Look openly. Lastly, I am not a Christian, myself. One of the reasons is because that label has been stolen by self-righteous haters.
the spiritual walk is a tough one..especially when you meet people who dont believe in the story of 'ta-daa' and then there was light!i have a link for u..one day i shall put it up for u..coz writing the whole rant is so hard!!
REPLYhi! thanks for commenting. I'm always open to new ideas. I can't wait to hear yours.