Once upon a time, in a little town in the Great Rift Valley...Part 2
His face had fallen at her less than happy reaction. Her heart had skipped in joy and her whole body had seemed to sing with exultation but her mind had immediately began, NO! NO! NO! The result was a quick painful smile followed by a blank expression as she tried to control herself.
"You don't look happy to see me" He'd said.
"What are you doing here?" She'd replied.
"I dropped my mother off at the airport last night and spent the night at Michael's. He mentioned you were back in town. I wanted to see you since we've been just missing each other these for a while so I came. I didn't figure, until this very moment that I needed an excuse, until this very minute when it finally clicked that you've been avoiding me all this time. What is going on?"
He'd looked hurt if Ann could let herself believe anything she thought about him. With him, she always had to consciously take a spoonful of salt. So she'd tried to salvage the situation with a bright smile although she knew her fake smiles were so obviously fake.
"Don't be ridiculous. I haven't been avoiding you. And I'm happy. It's just that I have never been good with surprises" She'd said.
He hadn't fallen for it. He'd seen right through her which had, once upon a time, been the attraction. He could read her so easily when it felt like no one else could. Now standing here, not so much.
"Be honest Ann,"
And she'd looked at him and he'd looked like he could take it so she'd finally told him. That that night in his room had been so much for her and so little for him. And so she'd tried to let go of him, just move on and she'd tried to explain that in the beginning but he'd had to say that he wanted to be friends. She hadn't wanted to lose him as a friend either and so they'd ended up here.
Derrick ran his hands over his neat scalp. Not so recently shaved, the bristles scratched against his palm. The feeling was comfortable, reliable, something to hold on to on a day that seemed like it was heading south at the speed of light. He looked at her, really looked at her. She had changed a great deal but her eyes had not. Now as he watched, she blinked but steadied her gaze, tightening her fists once before releasing them so she could pocket them. He copied her leaning more fully on the car. Began to say something then changed his mind, looked at the sky, the ground, the light layer of dust on his shoes. Finally he gazed back at Ann and found his voice.
"So you have been avoiding me all this time"
"You don't look happy to see me" He'd said.
"What are you doing here?" She'd replied.
"I dropped my mother off at the airport last night and spent the night at Michael's. He mentioned you were back in town. I wanted to see you since we've been just missing each other these for a while so I came. I didn't figure, until this very moment that I needed an excuse, until this very minute when it finally clicked that you've been avoiding me all this time. What is going on?"
He'd looked hurt if Ann could let herself believe anything she thought about him. With him, she always had to consciously take a spoonful of salt. So she'd tried to salvage the situation with a bright smile although she knew her fake smiles were so obviously fake.
"Don't be ridiculous. I haven't been avoiding you. And I'm happy. It's just that I have never been good with surprises" She'd said.
He hadn't fallen for it. He'd seen right through her which had, once upon a time, been the attraction. He could read her so easily when it felt like no one else could. Now standing here, not so much.
"Be honest Ann,"
And she'd looked at him and he'd looked like he could take it so she'd finally told him. That that night in his room had been so much for her and so little for him. And so she'd tried to let go of him, just move on and she'd tried to explain that in the beginning but he'd had to say that he wanted to be friends. She hadn't wanted to lose him as a friend either and so they'd ended up here.
Derrick ran his hands over his neat scalp. Not so recently shaved, the bristles scratched against his palm. The feeling was comfortable, reliable, something to hold on to on a day that seemed like it was heading south at the speed of light. He looked at her, really looked at her. She had changed a great deal but her eyes had not. Now as he watched, she blinked but steadied her gaze, tightening her fists once before releasing them so she could pocket them. He copied her leaning more fully on the car. Began to say something then changed his mind, looked at the sky, the ground, the light layer of dust on his shoes. Finally he gazed back at Ann and found his voice.
"So you have been avoiding me all this time"
"Yes but only in the beginning then it became...I don't know, easier? Safe? Normal? I didn't want to see you and let my heart start thinking for me again. I let you mess me up really badly and I was already broken to begin with," She said.
"Are you blaming me?!" Anger he couldn't quite explain began to bubble and he took it as an easy exit out of a situation that was suddenly becoming more than he could handle.
She shook her head, no. She wasn't ready to fight him. She really didn't have it in her to fight anyone.
"Derrick, if you've been paying attention you'll notice I've said I hate myself, not you. I was stupid, I am the fool. You are a victim of my mistakes, I guess but you haven't exactly suffered and..."
"Fine, I get the point. Can we stop making it clear that you are to blame?" He interrupted her. He'd never understood why she insisted on blaming herself for everything.
She was silent a moment then nodded. "Ok"
He had to ask. "Do you still like me?"
1 comments:
do you still like me? God, i hate that question
REPLYhi! thanks for commenting. I'm always open to new ideas. I can't wait to hear yours.