Posted by yz on Sunday, August 24, 2008 in

Today I’m in love with myself, not because anything happened and suddenly I’m right in the midst of a moment, an epiphany. It’s a little less tada and a little more blah . I didn’t have to change anything for it happen, didn’t go through some struggle where I thought I wouldn’t make it then it only got worse and I really believed it couldn’t get any better than this but then it did get better. It was just me waking up and loving myself simply, loving the parts that I usually wish away, not just accepting them. And all of that got me thinking about Love. I don’t know a single thing about love. There are little factions of Love, there are the ones who do as they are told who expect it to be like it is on TV, and nothing more or less will do. There are the others that claim to look for something deeper, they say that that the other love is cheap love, it doesn’t last very long and it leaves you pretty battered on its way out. I want to be part of the deeper love, but I doubt the word ‘deep” when applied to Love. Who gets to say, which is cheap, which is deep? I’m starting to understand that everyone else is like me; they don’t really know about Love, they know what they want and they make that their definition. I know what I want. I want a face which my fingers can learn by heart, a chest I can lay my head on and listen to a heartbeat quicken because we are together, fingers I can lace mine through, I want moments, loud moments where I laugh so hard my tummy hurts and I have to catch my breath, quiet ones, like workday evenings lying side by side finding beauty in the ceiling’s cracks, with one earphone in my ear and the other in his, Death Cab for Cutie’s Plans between us…….I’ve lost my train of thought…..