Burn-out

Posted by yz on Wednesday, October 14, 2009 in complaining, Freestyling, frustration,

Pardon the vanity but I need to vent...Its 8.30. I'm showered, lotioned, head scarfed and attempting to put myself to sleep with One Republic. If I could go somewhere I would but my wallet's empty. Not that that's really the problem. I've just about had it with Port Elizabeth. Technically I was just about done with it during the june break. The weather, the people, the food, the cinema, the bookstores... Seriously. I reached a point where I was googling cutting. I'd decided on my left wrist. Chosen a knife. Wish I was joking. Then my cousin came, and after that the holiday ended, friends came back and I could immerse myself in school. Which helped for a little while but now the feeling's returned. Utter weariness. Fatigue I can feel in my bones. Physical and mental exhaustion...and beneath it all a frustration with myself... How can my optimism and general belief in the goodness of people all be flashing a blood red "EMPTY!"? This is a betrayal of sorts. Life has just flipped me the bird and my defence mechanisms have gone the way of my muse, possibly in search of Santa Claus...don't get me wrong, I don't hate the place. I'm just tired of being here. I don't know why the caged bird sings. I've just about lost the tune... I am so ready to be home again, dust inclusive. Be november already!